World’s Strictest Parents

By Charleston Southern on April 5, 2011 - 1:51 pm in CSU News / no comments

In September of last year, lights, cameras and a lot of action filled the Tilley’s North Charleston home. For five days Eddie and Susan Tilley and their two children lived with a camera crew from Los Angeles and two teenagers they had never met. They were all part of a Country Music Television (CMT) reality show, World’s Strictest Parents.

Eddie Tilley ´08 serves as the children’s ministry director at Cathedral of Praise. He learned about the show from the youth leader at the church.

According to the CMT Website, “World’s Strictest Parents documents the journey of two unruly teens from different families as they are forced to adapt to the rules and regulations of very strict host parents…”

The Tilleys may not be the world’s strictest parents, but they do have some hard-hitting house rules. They enforce a no-privacy rule – their children, Matthew, 17, and Mary Kate, 15, hand over their cell phones regularly to be checked by their parents. Their Facebook pages and Internet activities are reviewed, and regular family meetings are held to discuss school issues, wrong attitudes and anything else that comes up.

Despite the tough rules the Tilleys are a close-knit family. Their kids love being at home and always have friends hanging around the house. The Tilleys admit their kids do get frustrated, especially when they see others their age allowed to do some things they’re not. “That’s when we talk it out – we talk about the reasons we put on the brakes,” Eddie said. “And I remind them that God has a plan for them and that every decision they make either enhances or diminishes that plan.”

When the producers asked the Tilleys to be on the show, Eddie saw it as a great opportunity to reach out to two struggling teens, but Susan wasn’t so sure. Never having seen the show, the family watched several episodes which helped Susan make up her mind – she told them absolutely not – three times.

Some of the episodes showed teens being treated like they were at boot camp – the parents barking orders and demanding pushups when rules were broken. Susan says that’s not their parenting style; their foundation for parenting is communication. With some encouragement from Eddie and the producers, Susan, not only agreed to do the show, she was committed: “It was such a small window of opportunity. We knew that for that five days we were going to give them everything we had.”

The day finally came when Jesse and Christine arrived. Jesse was tall and lean. His brown, curly hair gave him a boyish look. Christine was petite and blonde with a winning smile.

The show described Jesse and Christine as loudmouthed, destructive teens. They said Jesse, who’s from Pittsburg, Pa., is defiant; he fights at school and smokes, and there’s no peace at home because of the constant shouting matches with his parents.

Christine, from Quincy, Mass., parties a lot with friends and drives while drinking. With her destructive behavior, her mother is afraid she’ll have an accident and hurt or kill herself or someone else. Christine and her mother constantly battle.

Their parents are at the end of their ropes and have basically handed over their kids to the Tilleys. They hope the strict environment will straighten out their kids or at least make them appreciate home.

The Tilleys let the teens know their expectations up front. They had barely entered the house when they learned about the no-privacy rule – suitcases were searched and their cell phones confiscated. The teens’ faces showed exactly how they felt about that.

That first night they read and discussed together the house rules. The Tilleys were open and frank and quickly dealt with any questions or problems the teens had with the rules. The Tilleys told them this could be a great experience, but it was all up to them – it was their choice.

Over the next few days Jesse and Christine joined the family in doing chores, yard work, eating dinners together, playing games and spending time with Matthew and Mary Kate. When the teens showed a disrespectful attitude, the Tilleys did not let them times slide; they confronted the issues.

On Wednesday morning the Tilleys took Jesse and Christine to see a friend who needed firewood. The teens thought it was ridiculous that they were doing work for somebody they didn’t even know. When they got to the house, they played more than worked, and Eddie didn’t hesitate to call them out on it.

After they finished unloading the wood, the friend invited them in. During the visit he showed them a picture of his son and told them about his medical problem – he was born without an esophagus. His baby was 20 months old and had already undergone 57 surgeries. Even though Eddie knew the story well, he still cried for his friend. Jesse and Christine were speechless. Before they left, the friend thanked them for their help then pointed to the fireplace and told the teens he would think of them every time he built a fire.

Wednesdays at the Tilley’s house means church night; although it hasn’t always been that way. Eddie and Susan became Christians in their young 20s. They’d only been married six months so they began looking to the church for models on how to manage their home. One evening Eddie visited Pastor Mike Lewis’s house. He watched their family interact – communication and life filled their home. That night he walked away saying, “That is what I want our home to be.”

The whole family is involved in activities and meetings on Wednesday nights. Jesse and Christine joined Matthew and Mary Kate at youth church. The place was upbeat and full of energy. Since most of the kids there knew the World’s Strictest Parents was being taped, Jesse and Christine were like stars. Matthew, who plays in the band, was surprised when Jesse, normally pretty reserved, started playing the drums. They had no idea he played and that he wrote songs. It was a side of him they had not seen.

After church that night Jesse and Matthew talked music. Christine and Mary Kate talked about God. Christine had questions about what the speaker said at church about why God loves us. Very comfortable in her faith, Mary Kate shared with her about Christ, who He is, and about the new life He gives.

The next morning the teens received letters from their parents. The impact of the letters, being away from home, and the events over the past few days softened Jesse and Christine. “Looking back, the timing could not have been anymore perfect to just open up their hearts and get into that side of them,” Eddie said.

Their conversations moved to a deeper level. The Tilleys knew it was time to talk with Christine about her self-destructive behavior. During the conversation Christine, who has lived through many disappointments, admitted she had closed down a part of herself to guard against being hurt. Eddie spoke candidly about her using alcohol – how it blurs the tough thoughts and feelings – but it doesn’t take them away. He told her about several friends they knew in high school who were killed in car accidents. There was one friend driving under the influence who survived the accident she was in, but her sister, who was in the passenger’s seat, did not. Christine wiped tears from her cheeks. Sitting on the porch that day she finally trusted the Tilleys enough to slightly crack open the closed off part in her life.

The day came for the parents to pick up their kids. Eddie and Susan sat in the living room with each teen separately before their folks came. Eddie looked across the room at Jesse. “I see life in your eye,” he said. Jesse nodded and smiled.

Throughout the five days with Jesse and Christine, the Tilleys lived their lives the way they always do. They were tough on the teens but no tougher than they are on their own kids. The Tilleys do tough love, and it was that love that drew them out.

The Tilleys are still in touch with Jesse and Christine. Jesse wants to come back to spend time with them in the summer, and the Tilleys have talked with Christine about coming to Charleston for college.

Tags: Eddie Tilley